Losing You

Today, October 15th is officially Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  And so, I thought I might share with you a poem I wrote a few years ago after I lost a baby.

I dedicate this poem to all the mothers and mothers-to-be who carried their babies, but never experienced the joy of raising them.

 

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Losing You

My soul exalted,

Overcome by joy,

Contemplating

The prospect of your birth,

The knowledge of your presence,

The beating of your heart.

Primed with pregnant pride,

I glowed,

Until you slipped away;

Leaving me alone,

To walk through life without you,

Yet knowing, you were there.

Your memory,

Etched forever in my soul,

Nurtures my weakened spirit;

Hinders my despair;

Halts my downward spiral

Of depression.

Your memory,

Stills my fertile fears;

Renews my sorrowful soul,

Even as I mourn,

Knowing you are with me,

Forever in my heart.

Your memory,

Rekindles motherly desire;

Filling me with new found hope,

Of reigniting life,

Of knowing, once again,

The power of your love.

Slán agus beannacht leat!

(Goodbye and blessings)

 

Irish American Mom

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Comments

  1. Marie says:

    My heart aches for you and for all of us who have experienced the heart wrenching loss of our babies.. thank you for sharing this beautiful poem..it really touched me x

    • Thanks Marie. Sometimes it is hard to talk about our loss, but I think when we realize there are millions of others who share our grief, it helps us find the courage to carry on.
      All the best,
      Mairead

  2. Aimee says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that we share this unfortunate sadness…It has been just a little over a year since I miscarried my 5 m old little baby. I didn’t even know there was a remembrance day for this- sometimes it’s easier for me to try and set that event aside in my life. Crying all day every day is just too much sometimes. Thanks for sharing your poem- it’s beautiful.

    • Aimee – I am so sorry to hear that you lost your little angel last year. I was 20 weeks pregnant when I lost my little Katie nearly seven years ago. I debated whether or not I should post this poem, because it is so personal, but then I decided to share it. We are all at different stages of a common grief, and I think by knowing we are not alone, we can draw strength from each other. Please know that the crying eases after time. We never forget our little ones – they live forever with us in our hearts.
      Thinking of you,
      Mairead

      • Aimee says:

        Mairead,
        I’m glad you did share this. It’s so easy to think you’re the only one whose ever experienced something like this because it just isn’t talked about. Thanks for your comfort and kind words. I know you are right (about it easing with time) but sometimes my heart just can’t believe it. And you’re right- we never forget them. I don’t think I could if I tried. There are hundreds of things every day that remind me of him. And because I didn’t say it earlier, I am sorry for your loss. It hurts my heart to think that someone else has felt the intense pain and sadness that loosing a baby brings.
        Aimee

        • Aimee – I remember going through a roller coaster of emotions that first year after I lost my little one. I felt numb, angry, guilty, sad, and depressed. I felt all alone in my grief since my family are all in Ireland. Then a girl I worked with, shared the story of her loss with me. It really helped me to know that I was not the only one. Just don’t feel bad about feeling sad. I felt sadder than I ever thought possible. Just allow yourself the time to grieve and heal and know that you are not alone.
          With every good wish for you Aimee,
          Mairead

          • Aimee says:

            Mairead- I am definitely not patient enough with myself. I really need to work on that….The thing that always seems to catch me up during the past year is going through months and months of strong, relenting emotions and then all of a sudden feeling ‘okay’ again. So you start to pick up the pieces and move on, if nothing else for the sake of your kids, just to get slammed with it all over again! It really is exhausting on top of everything else. Just like yourself, I was pretty much all alone. We left all of our family behind in CA, so I had a few friends but that was it. Definitely makes life harder sometimes.
            Thanks again for your helpful advice,
            Aimee

  3. Mairead, what a beautiful remembrance of the little one you lost. I lost a baby very early in a pregnancy years ago. Always a heartbreaking time to go through…

  4. Lisa Messmer says:

    I just found this post. I didn’t know there was a special day set aside for the loss of unborn children. I lost one early into my pregnancy many years ago. He or she would be about 26 now.. I don’t even know if it was a boy or a girl.. I have three sons and for some reason, think of that one as a girl. I’m the only one who ever thinks about that baby. Thank you for sharing this poem and I am sorry for your loss, as well as so many others who have also lost our unborn little angels.

    • Lisa – I think your little angel probably is a girl. You will always know what age she would have been with every passing year. We mothers always ponder these things in our hearts, and keep our little angels close to us throughout our days. I am sorry to hear of your loss too. For many years I never really spoke about my loss, but it is amazing once you do share this sorrow, how many others have also experienced this great sadness.
      Blessings to you and yours,
      Mairéad

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