Irish people do not like to show off. We have a palpable fear of being perceived to blow our own trumpets, so much so I feel confident in claiming self-deprecation and self-effacement are traits of the Irish psyche.
Table of Contents
"Who do you think you are?"
To most Americans this is a question asking about family roots or ancestry. The words have been popularized by the NBC genealogy television program. But to an Irish person this interrogative holds a totally different meaning.
These words echo in our Irish minds, a reminder of the deadly sin of pride.
Humility - An Irish Trait
How many of us were asked this question if we grew too rambunctious for poor Sr. Mary or Sr. Catherine, as she tried to maintain control of a class full of energetic children? These words stir that infamous Irish Catholic guilt supposedly bred into us from birth.
We heard this message in many forms over the years. We listened to it on television, on radio, from teachers, priests, and some may even have heard it at home. Here are some other versions:
Don't be blowing your own trumpet.
Don't go getting a swelled head!
What kind of highfalutin' idea is that?
Don't be getting notions of yourself!
I could go on and on. These warnings take on many forms.
I would love to hear if you ever heard any of these expressions in your Irish American homes. Please feel free to share in the comments below.

Irish Vs American Modesty
When I first came to America I was taken aback by how easily people spoke of their own talents and capabilities, but soon I learned Americans also freely admire and praise others for their virtues and talents.
Americans accept admiration graciously, never feeling compelled to accept a compliment by throwing in a little negative to reduce the power of unexpected praise, a very definite Irish trait.
And so my question today is why do the Irish consider humility such a prized virtue?
Egotistical pronouncements and self-promotion are far more acceptable in America than in the Emerald Isle.
Does this false modesty arise from an old Irish tradition where community was more important than the individual?
Did years of living under a system of colonialism create this self-deprecating behavior?
Is talking boldly about oneself frowned upon, because we prefer our actions to speak for themselves?
Are Irish people suspicious of praise because of low self -esteem?
I can't believe I even typed that last question - it makes me sound very American. I truly believe our outward modesty is born of something other than low self esteem.
Anyway, I don't know the answer to these question of how and why Irish self-deprecating ways evolved, but I would love to hear your two cents worth on this world renowned trait of the Irish Psyche.

Slán agus beannacht,
(Goodbye and blessings)
Mairéad -Irish American Mom
Pronunciation - slawn ah-gus ban-ock-th
Mairéad - rhymes with parade
Here are some more posts and pages to you might enjoy as you explore the nooks and crannies of the Irish psyche ....
Blessings
- Irish Wedding Blessings
- Irish Toasts And Blessings For A Happy New Year
- May You Be Blessed With The Spirit Of The Season
- Donegal Sunsets
All Recipes
- Ham Broccoli and Gruyère Crustless Quiche
- Boxty - Irish Potato Pancakes
- Scary Halloween Food and Dishes
- Thanksgiving Side Dish Recipes That Will Make Your Family Feast Extra Special
Sara
What a deep-thinking question!
I'm not Irish, but as a country girl in America, I too was raised not to be blowing my own horn. To this day, I cringe inwardly when someone else pats themselves on the back publically. Having said that, it's taken me years to learn the difference between true humility which is altogether beautiful, and chronic self-belittlement which is not. I find the Irish to be full of the sweet humility which draws the whole world to their door. But, like you, I am amazed at how they will shrink slightly if I offer praise or a compliment.
Growing up in America I have never subscribed to this need to be teaching "self-esteem" to children. Self-esteem arises naturally when you work hard and accomplish something. For this reason I think the Irish, more than any other people group, should be filled to the brim with honest, humble, well-earned, and altogether attractive self-esteem for all that they did in coming to America and helping to enrich our culture and build this nation.
So why did any of us grow up in a culture that discouraged self-promotion? It may have its roots in a half-superstition about not wanting to tempt fate. If I boast about my accomplishments or even allow myself to be praised by others, the fates may just hit the "smite" button to take away my happiness. For all my own growth in a healthy self-image as an adult, occasionally I find myself minimizing some accomplishment, lest it fall prey to the fates who do not take kindly to such hubris in unworthy mortals.
Irish American Mom
Sara - Thank you so much for your comment. I really enjoyed reading your response. Discouraging self-promotion may truly be rooted in superstition, and Ireland, without a doubt is a land full of superstitions. I can see how blowing one's own trumpet could be viewed as tempting fate.
It is nice to know you interpret Irish self-deprecation as true humility, not chronic self-belittlement. Like you, I admire all that has been accomplished by the Irish in America. To be honest, I am not one bit humble about Irish America on this blog. Some of my writings on the topic could be deemed openly proud and boastful, but I am not going to let my Irish psyche make me feel one bit guilty about that.
Thanks so much for stopping by and adding to our discussion.
All the best,
Mairéad
Mary
I have always found that Irish people are not comfortable with too much praise. I really enjoyed reading this post and the thought provoking questions you posed. I wonder if this trait has anything to do with the fact most Irish were tenant farmers in the 18th and 19th centuries. If you put glass in your windows your rent was increased. If you displayed any signs of wealth or good fortune you ended up owing more money to the landlord. Therefore it was prudent to be humble and not toot your own horn. Just a thought.
Irish American Mom
Mary - I really think there is a lot of merit in your theory. When writing this post I never even thought about how in pre-Famine Ireland, building a pig sty even caused an increase in rent. That's why many Irish people kept 'the gentleman who paid the rent' inside their own homes. Any showy behavior would have been detrimental to an Irishman's bottom line. Perhaps, you are correct, that years of concealing behavior had an effect on our national psyche that has lasted for centuries.
Thanks so much for stopping by,
All the best,
Mairéad
brian@irelandfavorites
Hi Mairead,
Deeds speak louder than words. My guess is that most that are raised in a good household that respect God and others, tend to be less boastful. I can only agree with Sarah in her praise of being a "country girl" though I grew up in more of a city atmosphere my family ran a small business that required all to help out. Working hard gives you an appreciation for what can be done and how sometimes things don't go to plan. When life is hard and you persevere and manage to enjoy life there is little room for gloating. My thought on your Irish Humility is that it stems from a sense of confident belonging and you have attained a high status already by striving to be good.
Cheers,
Brian
Irish American Mom
Brian - I agree wholeheartedly. Hard work leaves little room for gloating, and one thing Irish people have known throughout the centuries, and on both sides of the Atlantic, is hard work. Your comment reminds me of an old Irish saying - "The work praises the man." So perhaps, this self-deprecation is rooted in the belief that actions and the fruits of our labor are praise enough. I like this theory.
All the best,
Mairéad
andrew dublin carpet cleaner
I would like to propose another angle and of course this is a view from the coal face as it were, i found in daily life and business that a reality is people do not like if you succeed there, is a begrudgery amongst my fellow countryman to be confident doing well invites a cynical criticism that encourages many to keep a low profile this being mistaken for humility. Ireland is the same as any other 21st Cent. country, there is a hardness and uglyness about it at times and sadly jealousy is one of those harsh attributes. why praise yourself only to be shot down. I dont want to burst anybodys bubble and destroy anyones view of Ireland but its the same as anywhere else on this planet to think otherwise is a mistake
Irish American Mom
Andrew - I appreciate your insights. Begrudgery is definitely another trait of the Irish Psyche, begging to be explored someday in another post. After living in America for over twenty years I really have grown to appreciate how willing Americans are to praise others and to rejoice in their successes. This is not always the case in Ireland, as you can testify from your own experiences. I remember many Irish people expressing the belief that someone or other had "grown too big for their boots." If the proverbial boots fit, then I say wear them, no matter how big they may be. This view may be contrary to old Irish ways, but has probably evolved over my years in America. Thank you for providing us with more food for thought and a topic for further discussion on the infamous Irish psyche.
Best wishes,
Mairéad
Mary
I think it goes back to the Christian Brothers in the schools and their method of teaching. You were never praised or felt like you were good enough. I also, sadly to say, think it has to do with the influence of the Catholic Church which certainly had a hold on the country of Ireland. Catholic myself, my Irish Catholic stepmother would often use the religion as a discipline to keep you down in a way or from being too proud of yourself. Its not necessarily a bad thing but I find you get more out of someone with encouragement and praise, and build confidence in them.
Irish American Mom
Mary - I agree with you. Sincere and honest encouragement and praise are the confidence builders each and every one of us needs and deserves. Such feedback was not always forthcoming in days gone by in Ireland. I hope things have changed significantly today, and that praise is not so frowned upon. But like everything, I think balance is definitely in order. I am working on a post about the old Irish saying: "Praise and scold in equal measure, if your family you treasure." I like the words "equal measure" in this saying. Praise, if overly inflated and unwarranted can be damaging, and conversely, criticism needs to be given in a positive manner to be constructive. I'll share my thoughts when I am happy with my post.
Your comment about the influence of the Catholic Church on the Irish Psyche is also a topic for another post, or posts, or even a book. I will definitely start formulating my thoughts on this issue. Thanks so much for adding to this little discussion.
Best wishes,
Mairéad
Barbara Karr
As an Irish Catholic, I can relate to the fact that the Church did indeed have a negative influence on self-esteem, confidence, and self-image. It is expressed here in the states by clergy that immigrated here. In Ireland, it was sinful to take pleasure in being able to take pride in any accomplishment you were capable of. It was a form of bragging. The clergy that taught here also frowned upon this in the same way they would in the "old country". It is only because the Irish are a strong, determined, and hard-working race that through time they were able to take pride in their accomplishments. They accepted their strengths as a blessing, not a sin. My understanding is present-day Ireland is now starting to look much like America in that respect. The Irish have paid for the privilege of being able to be proud of their efforts and accomplishments. As a second-generation American, I was taught to take pride in the gifts I was able to share and encouraged to share any gifts that would make my community a better place. Not a matter of personal gain but as a matter of sharing with the community as a whole. We've come a long way Baby!
Irish American Mom
Hi Barbara - We definitely have come a long way! I love your summary of these negative influences on our Irish psyche in years gone by. I do believe that the loss of life and tragedies of the Famine, our lack of self-rule and autonomy as a nation, plus the influence of a fearful Church, all led to our self-inflicted national inferiority complex. But the Irish in America, and now the younger generations of Irish people in Ireland are shedding that false humility and taking pride in all that we have accomplished in the past, and look to the future with hope and belief in our nation.
Thanks as always for stopping by and adding to our discussions about all things Irish and Irish American.
All the best,
Mairéad
kathleen woods
Thank you for your views for I am moving to Ireland on the 2nd of Sept. and have very little knowledge of the depth of the Irish people other than what I have read and have a few friends scattered across the Island. I have experienced much kindness and that I will hold on to.
Thanks again
Kathleen
Irish American Mom
Kathleen - I wish you every success for your move to Ireland in September. I hope you build a lovely home surrounded by love and happiness there. It is heart warming to hear you have experienced so much kindness in Ireland. Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad you found this post helpful. I did not write it to be critical of my fellow countrymen, but as a commentary and investigation of our tendency to prefer humility over boastfulness. Please drop by whenever you get a chance and let us know how things are going for you in Ireland.
Best wishes, and have a safe and fulfilling move across the Atlantic.
Mairéad
STEVEN HASH
I'VE HEARD THOSE AND SEVERAL OTHERS,
GETTIN TO BIG FOR YOUR BRITCHES ARE WE ?
WHAT KINDA HIGH FALUTEN IDEA HAVE YOU GOT NOW ?
MY FAMILY ANCESTRY IS SCOTCH AND CHEROKEE INDIAN. SOME IRISH IS IN THERE SOMEPLACE.
IN DOING FAMILY RESEARCH, I HAVE FOUND THAT I WAS RAISED WITH THE BACK GROUND AND CUSTOMS OF THE SCOTCH-IRISH-CHEROKEE. EVEN BEFORE KNOWING WHAT MY HERITAGE WAS. IT WAS A REAL EYE OPENER TO SEE THESE TRAITS OF WHAT MY FAMILY DID, AND REALIZE JUST WHERE THAT CUSTOM CAME FROM, OR WHY I DID CERTAIN THINGS.
THE HUMILITY THAT WE HAVE IS SOMETHING JESUS TALKED ABOUT , HAVING A HUMBLE HEART. THIS IS WHERE OUR HUMILITY COMES FROM. IT'S ALSO A CHARACTERISTIC OF BEING MEEK. MOSES WAS CALLED BEING MEEK. BEING MEEK IS NOT, I REPEAT NOT A WEAK STANCE. BEING MEEK IS BEING IN TOTAL CONTROL OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT. YOU DON'T LET SOMEBODY RUN OVER YOU. YOU DON'T LET THE CIRCUMSTANCES DICTATE WHAT YOU DO. YOU MOLD YOUR WORLD AROUND YOU. YOU CONTROL IT. THIS IS WHAT JESUS TALKED ABOUT. IN BEING THIS WAY, YOU HAVE VERY FEW FRIENDS, (REAL FRIENDS), PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF YOU. BE CAUSE YOU HAVE AN INNER STRENGTH THAT THEY CAN'T COMPREHEND. THE APOSTLES IN THE BIBLE WE'RE THIS WAY. AND THEY WERE KILLED BECAUSE PEOPLE FEARED THEM.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR EMAILS.
STEVEN B. HASH
Irish American Mom
Steven -What interesting ancestry you have. It must be so intriguing to look back as you grow older and examine the similarities and differences between your different cultural heritages. Thanks for your interpretation of our Irish humility.
Best wishes,
Mairéad
Sheila
I like the idea of delving into some of these Irish traits. We may never truly know the origins of these cultural nuances, but I enjoyed reading everyone's varied interpretations.
Irish American Mom
Sheila - I have thoroughly enjoyed everyone's responses too. It's lovely to read such varied explanations and ideas.
All the best, and have a lovely weekend.
Mairéad
Chris B
Oh, Mairéad, I heard these things at home so often! I have a difficult time saying no or even taking a simple compliment. Sad but though my family has been here for generations the American way of thinking was never incorporated into my family's way of believing. With my childhood, I did not learn to believe in myself or like who I was or am. I am now learning to trust my instincts and be thankful for who I am, where I am heading, and accepting when someone says something good about what I have done. It has been a LONG time coming! 🙂
Irish American Mom
Chris - I think these belittling traits are important for Irish people to be aware of, no matter how many generations removed from the old sod we may be. Building up our children's self-esteem may not come naturally to us, so we should make a point of actively praising our little ones. I think many Irish and Irish Americans can relate to the story of your childhood. I'm so happy to hear you find it easier to accept praise nowadays, and feel thankful for who you are. We are all on a journey. I hope that by examining the Irish psyche, this website may help other Irish Americans understand the pathways they have shared.
All the best,
Mairéad
Terry ann
My Irish mother (County Tyrone) would often say, 'now, don't be throwing roses at yourself'.
Irish American Mom
Terry Ann - I never before heard your mom's unique version of this saying. I like her rendition - it has a softness to it some of the other sayings lack. Thanks so much for your comment.
All the best,
Mairéad
Kay G.wi
Interesting post, as always! I love that comment above, "Don't be throwing roses at yourself". That's a good one! In the little corner of North east Georgia, we must have had a lot of Irish settle there since this sounds very familiar to me. So much so that children would have to be coaxed to come forward very often, our expression for that was, "Don't be so QUARE" I t must have been from the word "queer" for strange, but the pronunciation was very unique!
Irish American Mom
Kay - "QUARE" is a typical Irish pronunciation of the word queer. There must have been many Irish settlers in your corner of Georgia alright. In fact Brendan Beehan, an Irish playwright, named his first drama "The Quare Fellow." It's funny how subtle signs of immigration still linger through our language in every corner of the world.
Best wishes,
Mairéad
Breda Shannon
Just wanted to say love your blog. Check out mine, just thought I would blow my own trumpet! Breda
Irish American Mom
Breda - Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you decided to toot your own horn and let me know about your website. I'll definitely take some time to read your posts.
All the best,
Mairéad
Ann
I am am American, by way of way of Irish ancestors. The saying I remember best regarding this.....You're getting too big for your britches, or in other words, you're getting too full of yourself. 🙂
Irish American Mom
Ann - I've heard that one too here in America. So many versions of this saying were handed down through the generations. It is so interesting to hear all the different variations.
Take care,
Mairéad
Shelley
I'm very late in finding this site. I stumbled on it while looking for a recipe for mushy peas! Whatever, I was drawn deeply into the blog, and am enjoying it immensely. This thread has really captured my imagination. I have assumed all my life that my inability to accept admiration/ compliments without embarrassment, talk about my accomplishments/talents (what talents?!), etc. was just my own shy personality problem. Now I'm reading that it is an acknowledged Irish trait. For some reason, that makes me feel a great deal better about the situation, and i'll probably find some humor in it next time it comes up. I was born in American, have Irish and Scottish ancestors. I heard the full list of admonishments detailed above all my life, but never once considered them instrumental in forming my reserved personality. We were never given freedom to be proud of accomplishments, and learned very early how emotionally dangerous it can be to "put oneself out there." I still find a very easy peace in being quiet. I love my work, and know that I am very good at it. I've spent my adult life striving and learning to be the very best that I can be at what I do and that is enough. That is my life's work. It's not important for anyone else to know my accomplishments. It's only important that I know, and that I continue to work at growing beyond them. Some of us may have been unable to break the shell of the "be humble" trait and accept/embrace the more open and less private way of presenting ourselves to our communities. But I think that's okay. I'm not unhappy with the way I am. I do marvel at those who are more open, but do not need to be there myself. Very interesting topic.
Irish American Mom
Dear Shelley - Thank you so much for joining in our conversation about the Irish way of looking at the world and approaching those around us. We highly value humility, yet at the same time, we have a deep inner confidence in our own abilities, which we don't need to overtly share with the world. I love how you describe your own desire to do your best and your pride in your own accomplishments.
Best wishes, and do stop by again. I hope to continue this exploration of the Irish psyche in the coming weeks.
Take care,
Mairéad
Erin
My mom taught us kids to be self-deppricating and humble because "no one likes a braggart", and that having a sense of humor (especially as it pertained to yourself), would make you more approachable and enjoyable to be around. It was all about being friendly, light-hearted, and down-to-earth.
Irish American Mom
Erin - I like your Mom's life lessons. Teaching children to be friendly, light-hearted, and down-to-earth are wonderful life lessons. Thanks so much for joining our little discussion on Irish traits.
Take care,
Mairéad